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I’m curled up in bed… Dad always says too straighten when sleeping, to allow blood circulate, he comes around to my room at night to check if I’m properly covered and straightened up…Mama would ask if I’ve eaten and taken my multivitamins, ..so am curled up in bed crying today… I miss all the attention …….. curled up in bed really wishing I could talk to someone, tell them how I feel, express my anger, pain, fears, faith and hope…I check around and mama’s not here, Dad isn’t close by, my super-duper friends are in a different time zone…and there’s no one in this time zone to talk to...yet I cry again.

……..Still curled up in my bed; crying, I hear the words “you’ll be fine; trust me, believe me..” and yet at this point...at this point i feel like am God's baby..haven grown but having the need to be comforted like a child...those words and this instant realization of me being God's baby are the only things that keep me from losing it.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried more at a time in my life…crying seems more like an almost daily thing in recent times…. I cry at the slightest things..... In front of the dresser I burst into tears…..then laugh after the tears…

I miss home, I miss having people that Love me around and people who would be around me just because they did love me….people who know me and understand me….

I’m learning loneliness, am learning to abound and be abased in the area of people… Am learning that I decided that I wanted more…and maybe the road to more is lonely. And if I have to be lonely awhile to get more; then I’d go for more, because maybe when more comes and am done getting more, maybe I won’t be lonely…..(lol hope you understand). Like there really is a time when we don’t want more?(will have to deal with that part)... lonely is just a phase..*smiles*

Am learning to trust God about the loneliness, about these times, about expectations and hopes.

In a way I’ve been going around a mountain, a place where I have to decide if Love is closing my eyes to wrongs and waiting it out, or accepting a situation and moving on. I’ve learnt in all of these that the decisions we make today either take from us or add to us. Now what we become; in order words, who we become is a result of the additions or subtractions of who we were yesterday by the experiences and the people around us.

Love they say covers multitude of sins, yet Love does not wear make-up for a situation. Love isn’t subtracting; love is adding…if a situation doesn’t add to you, but makes you weaker, leaves you with less love for yourself, less believe in yourself or less faith in God then it’s probably time to move forward.

You might find it hard moving forward. But you have to eventually decide or wallow in lack of belief in yourself....

Am thinking of how to end all my heart pouring right now, which might be no concern of yours; either ways, I miss home, I wish my dad and mum were closer, I miss my brothers and my 3 Super-Duper friends…

I’m not sure if I’m ready to move on, I probably can see all the reasons and probably read the hand writing on the wall that says move, but am waiting for a miracle …something to convince me to wait …something to spark up the hope again and the fire……

Till then I’ll keep trusting God to see me through each moment even in the tears and the loneliness; knowing I only got here by him and can only get more through him…more is possible and achievable even in and with Love.