Psalm40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

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Its been a busy weekend, and I do not know where to start this post from; will just right about start from here............mama just walked into my room asking about a friend(and yes I answer shortly to cut the discussion..lol).

Its been a waiting period for me and I am still waiting. In the last post I said I did not know answers to questions such as , where, who, when, what, why?....

Well for most of it the answer has been “Wait” I hear in my spirit time and time again, “be still and know that I am God” I hear “ Trust, Believe,Obey,Persevere” Waiting has never been something am very good at, so in this process I find myself falling and rising, I doubt and believe again, and my faith seems really scanty, at this point I ask God to be God.

In the course of waiting I have heard God assure me and remind me of the infallibility of his word; but will I wait till the end(Grace). The truth is God's word never changes, it remains the same.

There are things I cant explain, why people act the way they do(even with all the books that talk about it; it still just does not fit), why I have to go through similar processes; God can never be boxed into an order or process or pattern and every season has its reason and its lessons, everything working together for my good and bringing glory to God. 

Some part of me wants to throw in the towel, give up on all I've ever known(the Word and his Will), but the most part of me wants to follow through with it, see the end; the picture in reality as I saw in my spirit and in the scriptures.

Its hard to stay on course especially when I'm trying to reason with my head, when I am supposed to be believing...I tell myself, its not over until God says its over, Faith is not faith until its all you are hanging on to. I cant follow through with throwing in the towel, not because God has got a chain and a knife to my throat, nope, in-fact he gave me the gift of the free will; but because I've tasted the word, its efficacy and infallibility.

Like Eve am probably tempted with the apple and a futile promise of satisfaction, with a voice telling me to have a bite, try other options, like Paul the apostle I can say the flesh wars against my spirit, I begin to try to define myself and compare myself against standards set by men,I'm reminded of mistakes, I constantly remind myself that I have been justified, and say the prayer of forgiveness for myself and people whom I feel offended me, but with Christ having died on the cross I know the truth will set me free....its a futile cycle for the devil..the word of God in my mouth and in my life will put him to a run.

I am learning to believe God even when there are no signs and no revelations. Moses knew the ways of God and the children of Israel knew the acts of God. In a world like ours the signs and acts can never sustain, the reading of the stars, the temperature, the personality traits, the order and processes will fail. God is not any of the signs, acts,neither is he a process.. he is way bigger than the signs and the acts, and in a time like this when there are no signs and acts, no super-duper revelations, only a knowing and an encounter; a relationship will keep you.

I go through my notes and remind myself of the persona of the person God, am trying to google the meaning of  God

and probably see if there's any particular definition that can fully quantify and qualify to define him. I want to go on my knees to pray, but not that I know what to pray for, I might as well experience the Spirit of God pray for me.

So even when waiting does not sit too well with me, I know faith is never in a hurry (he who believes shall not make haste).

When we map our steps backward, we then know its only God that could have brought us through and we see exactly what he saw, but till we reach the end we must believe, trust whole heartedly even if it means blindly, as long as its God,