Some Hunting................

Wow, I was going through my blog just after writing the post that was supposed to come up in place of this; I was tripped to actually go through what I had written in the past….

That being by the way, I spent the last couple of weeks wallowing in self pity….

It’s amazing that this post and the one before is all about the past….am not being repetitive here but I spent the past weeks dwelling in tots of the past…and it’s indicative that most of us do that often.

It’s been one Blank of a time, really can’t fix a word to it. It’s not been a series of very major experiences, but they still touch the soul. An experience where experiences of the past reoccur in my subconscious...**some tautology**lol .I did a lot of flash back this time. Amazingly Philippians 3 is one of my favourite chapter of the bible and especially verse 12-14. It’s not like I can’t let go of the past...but am in a process and I thought I let go at some point, but all-through these past weeks, my tots weren't like that of someone who already let go.

If I have to draw a graph of my walk with God in comparison to God's walk with me...I guess I’ll be the most inconsistent person...lol...by the way, someone once told me about being inconsistent before....and on a second tot its God's person to be Faithful, he can’t lie to himself, he is soooo not man, and cannot be compared to any man; but there's the place of being faithful as a man. I guess that's what got me thinking...How much we fail as man.......

Apparently I guess change is the only constant thing about me, I spent the previous time doing a lot of self castigation, I couldn't see myself as God  sees me, I did a lot of self analyses, pictures of the past replaying before my very mind. The Tongue talking, fire blazing, beautiful so to speak lady or girl if you’ll permit, moving from time to time with all its acts, the stories and drama's, the mistakes, the wrong choices....you know I know it’s wrong to think this way...it’s terrible and it’s a terrible distraction of the devil....The me that goofed for fantasies I tot was real and would last, the me that was too timid to move when God said move...........funny this is one post I  did with tears clouded in my eyes.

A dear person to me called me an “Apostle of Grace” I tot in my mind 4 real...am just one girl who doesn't trust herself but depends on the Grace of God, I live by it and lean on it, and I have won many victories by it. D God factor and the grace I can find is like the only thing I trust in. You know when you have failed so many times and God keeps being faithful, you will learn to trust God more than yourself”....the Life I live, I live by faith in the son of God who Loved me and gave himself for me”. Wordings of songs like... “He is able more than able......” kept ringing in my head all through this time. It was just prophetic with God reminding me He is God and Able is his Personality.

Hope is not needed when we see; hope is needed when we can’t see... I went through the process of trusting afresh; Trusting that faithful is he that has called me, Trusting God to help me see me just as he sees me. Believing likewise...that the option I have is to be all he's called me to be...irrespective of the drama's and the past. God didn't create our eyes to be behind, nor did he create our feet facing backwards. If he did we probably will be walking towards the back...but he put it all in front to tell us our eyes are to look forward only and our feet to move forward....Amazingly if you hear the few stories I have to share...I might not sound as terrible as you'd be thinking...but am not a saint either...**winks**

I learnt there are 2 processes in forgiving apart from forgetting; there's the forgiving the offender and forgiving yourself the “offended'...lol. You know the way we pray the forgiveness prayer saying “Lord I forgive this person and I release him”, We have to pray same for ourselves saying “ Lord I receive your forgiveness and I forgive myself and I release myself” not forgetting to quote Romans8:1

So its natural, some of us allow the devil take advantage of us and we wallow in self pity...we shouldn’t allow self condemnation reap us of our place at the side of Christ, nor our inheritance among the saints, nor the privilege of fulfilling destiny......we should stay in the place of the word, we should strengthen our feeble knees and encourage ourselves in the Lord.

In the Place of prayer...I heard the Lord tell me to know him as "Mighty"...Like Almighty...you know and that scripture that says “Be strong in the Lord and in the power of his Might”

Mighty means or connotes the highest level of Strength, the highest Level of Stability or Constancy...and when  we call him Almighty...we can say he is All-Strengthening, All-Stable, All-Strong, All-Constant, All-able, never failing...might connotes ability to perform. It’s a place where we stop learning to see ourselves and how unable we are or could be, It’s a Place where we start to see Jesus and how able and constant he is and can be for us. It’s something that can only be when we deep ourselves in the word. This is exactly what dying to self means “I am crucified with Christ.......yet not I but Christ that lives in me”